fmaversedr | (no subject)

[ This must be a dream. It really doesn't make sense to just... arrive in some city he doesn't recognize. Everything about it screams old, from the architecture to the cars. Which makes things even more confusing. Which makes it seem even more like a dream.

Maybe he's brother was right about him spending too much reading their grandfather's journal. Because this place, this strange dream place seems like what he imagined what imaginary world of "Amestris" to be like. The world his grandfather spoke of so often in his journal. The world that Grandpa Elric told him, Ed, and Rosalie about as bedtime stories.

So if it's a dream, how does he wake up? What is making him dream up something like this? Is it the stress from trying to hide his and his brother's relationship from their parents and the world? Is it the stress from leaving his brother in the mall, having run away and not looking back.

No doubt, Rosalie would have a few choice words for him about it all...

But more importantly, the strangest thing about this dream is that pinching himself seems to have no affect. It's cold too, the sidewalks and streets filled with snow and all he's in is his school uniform. Can you get sick in a dream, he wonders. Because if it's possible, it's probably only a matter of time, considering how easily he gets sick anyway.

So now he's just... wandering around. Hoping to find someplace warm where he won't feel silly standing in a corner. Hoping to maybe see a familiar face. ]

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[ Looking up from the tablecloth, Alex wraps his arms around himself, giving his brother a befuddled look. ]

Not a dream? But this place... It looks like something out of Grandpa's stories.

[ That's part of the logic he's using. Another part of him is afraid that if it isn't a dream, that he'll have to acknowledge that the brother in front of him is real too. And just after what he'd done at the mall...

And his heart aches. Part of him wants this to be his brother. He's already been missing him, so much so that it hurts. He still loves Edward so much, but fear is holding him back and making it hard for him to reach out and touch like he so desperately wants to.

Color forms under his cheeks and tears begin to form in his eyes. Tears he's determined to not let fall. ]

It has to be a dream, because otherwise... [ He chokes. ]

[He watches his brother in silence, listens to his words and stays quiet as the younger Elric closes in on himself.

But, then there are those tears. The tears his brother is fighting back, and instead of the mall he's thinking about their bedroom. About the night that he'd complicated Al's life by admitting his feelings, and he could feel his chest ache the same as it had that night. The willingness to do anything to stop Alex from hurting, to not be a source of his pain. This was all his fault.

So when he sees his brother fighting off tears, choking on his words. It has to be a dream, because otherwise...

Otherwise- Al's going to go running out of his life again. He didn't know how long it had been for his brother, but he didn't sound like someone that hadn't seen Ed in a long time.

For Edward it was years, years since he wound up here after Al ran out of the mall on him. And in his mind he was already seeing him do it, again. He could already see Alex scrape the chair back and dart out once more into the snow-

but things were different here. Alex didn't have a home to run off to this time.

So Ed clears his throat, before his brother can find the words to finish that thought. Voice soft, like he didn't know how to use it anymore. Trying so hard not to look as wretchedly pathetic as he felt. One more time.]

Al... Let me help you get set up. I'll help you find a place to stay, make sure you're safe. It- might be a long time before we can go home... Then- if you don't ever want to see me again, I'll leave.

Just don't- try to take all this on by yourself. Please, Al. You never have to see me again if you don't want to, just- let me help you first.

[ Jerking his head up and inadvertently causing the tears to slip down his cheeks before he can stop them, Alex's eyes widen. Leave? His brother thinks he doesn't want to see him again? How could he think—

But, of course, it's obvious. He made Ed think that by running away. He'd made Ed think he didn't want to be with him. All because he was scared and frightened they'd get caught or worse. It was supposed to make them happy, but instead... He'd just made things worse. ]

What? No! I don't— I didn't mean...

[ Raising a sleeve to scrub at his eyes, he shakes his head hard, making his ponytail swish with the movement. God, he's made such a mess of things and has only himself to blame. ]

I'm sorry... This is all my fault. I made you think that—

[ He hiccups around the tears, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes to stop the tears. ]

I was afraid, Brother! Edward, I was afraid we'd get caught or- or- or I'd get you in trouble! Don't you see? Grandpa Elric's life was a mess because of his relationship with his brother... What if we end up the same? I didn't...